the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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