I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
