forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
