lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
