My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Randomize
