perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
