omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
