I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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