i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
