Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
