My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Randomize
