Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
