I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just blew my weed a kiss
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
