I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
high people should be assigned attendants
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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