2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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