yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Porn is love you can see.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Randomize
