Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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