Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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