So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
