She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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