I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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