Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
