the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
