cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize