I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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