Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
