She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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