I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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