i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
