i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
