we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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