he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
