apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
it's like iHOP with fire
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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