If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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