I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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