Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
