great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
