Already got asked if we're dating
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize