she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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