I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
