I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
