If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize