dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
