My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
