ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
