woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
