Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
