overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
i need some magic done to my vagina
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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