New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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