I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Randomize
