I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
