No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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