the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
