Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Randomize
