i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
