So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
