absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
