yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
