can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
