I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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