I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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