Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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