now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
where are you?
Hypothermia
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
