Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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