Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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