Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
