there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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