mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize