The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
