Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
