I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
