Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
