I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
