there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize