Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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