I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
