After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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