I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
