so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
