if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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