hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
one two three fourrrrnication!
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
