Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
