like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize