loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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