how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
