1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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