just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
