Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
