I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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