Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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