she looked like the before picture.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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