Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
