Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
