I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
