I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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