what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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