Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
