definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
