Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
So vagazzling was a success
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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