Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
