there's paper in my vomit.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
