Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize